Thoughts on Parenting: Avoid Raising a Spoiled Child

1. Is your child’s unreasonable needs constantly met?

2. Is your child’s annoying whiny behavior often tolerated?

3. Is your child’s minor wants are always met at great cost even if they cause severe inconvenience to others?

Any ‘yes’ to the above questions means that we are potentially spoiling our kids. I read these questions over and over again, think and think. Honestly, I don’t think I have a ‘yes’ for any of them.

Children of this generation are becoming more spoiled. They have power over their parents. We have seen many of them at shopping malls, MacDonald’s and at schools. They throw tantrums to get what they want; complete with screaming, whining and crying. We should not let this happen to our children.

Spoiled children are caused by permissive parenting; parents who don’t set the limits and constantly give in to their children whenever they throw tantrums or cry. Spoiled children often find it hard to share, wait for their turn, appreciate what they have and accept what they don’t have. Negative behaviors such as selfishness, bossy, rude and bad tempered are often associated with spoiled children.

We can prevent this from happening by setting the limits and maintain healthy boundaries for our children. Be firm and do not give in to their screaming or crying, let it falls on deaf ears. It takes a strong willpower to say ‘no’ to them. When we say ‘no’, we really mean it. Always be consistent.

I would like to share with you a very beautiful write-up about ways to prevent our children from being spoiled. Click HERE to read.

In short, we should spend more quality time with our children. Do not replace time, love and affection with money and material objects. We should provide them with the attention that they need, always set limits and maintain the healthy boundaries.

How Life Changed

People often say that parenting can change us in almost unimaginable ways. It’s true. For me, I don’t keep late nights anymore except for little Edison. I don’t go out without a kid in tow, unless I desperately need some alone time. Everywhere I am, everything that I do, little Edison is always in my mind and priority.

The same goes to my hubby, but to a lesser extent. He still meets up with his friends for drink, play computer games etc. I do understand that a regular dose of ‘personal time’ is important, especially for the men. But I prefer to stay at home and take care of little Edison.

So, what are the changes in ME? Mmmmm, let's see.

I no longer brave the Orchard Rd crowds to shop for latest fashion clothing, cosmetics, perfumes and accessories. In fact, you will see me when there’s a sale at Toys ‘R Us, Mothercare, Pumpkin Patch or the children’s departments at Robinsons or Takashimaya. Toys, children’s clothing, shoes, groceries, books, flash cards etc; they are always in my shopping list!

I’ve also revamped my bookshelf. No more Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Nicholas Sparks and Nora Roberts (although they used to be my favorite authors). It is now solely devoted to What to Expect series, Gina Ford’s baby trilogy, Tracy Hogg’s baby whisperer, Annabel Karmel cookbooks and various parenting books.

In terms of dressing, no more tubes, high heels or ear rings for me. I find them not suitable especially when we go out with our toddlers. I'll clad in light clothings and sandals or flats during the weekends.

How life has changed for me! I believe all of us (mothers) will have the same experience as me. We all changed for our kids.

Bonding

Bonding:
- It is a process that happens over time.
- It doesn’t happen in a split second.
- It is essential for the emotional wellbeing of our children.
- It will last a lifetime.
- It is an instantaneous connection with our children from the moment they are born.
- It helps our children to develop into an independent and competent person.
- It strengthens out relationship with our children.
- It takes time, patience and lots of efforts.

Activities that promote bonding:
1. Read a book
2. Daily playtime
3. Touch them
4. Bathe them
5. Cuddle them
6. Talk with them
7. Breastfeeding
8. Respond to them promptly

I did all the above activities regularly with Edison, EXCEPT #7. I still regretted it until now because Edison did not take much breast milk in his early months. Due to numerous reasons, my breastfeeding journey has been a total failure. I'm such a lousy mother. Sigh.

For my future #2, I promise him/her that I will try my very best to give him/her lots and lots of breast milk. I’ll learn from my previous mistakes and I’m determined to do better job next time.

Thoughts on Parenting: Parenting Goals

Parenting isn’t always easy. All of us struggle at some point to figure out what is the most effective way to handle certain situations and how to be the best parent possible. There is so much information available out there; from parenting books and websites to advice from our parents and grandparents. But how do we know who is right and what is the best parenting style for us?

To begin with, let’s just ask ourselves what are our parenting goals. To me, my goals are to bond lovingly with my child, encourage and promote independence, and to mentor and assist in his academic and life skills education. I realize the significance of being a parent and my responsibility in raising a happy and healthy child.

We have our own unique personality and character. Our children have their own individual needs, developmental growth and habits too. Because of these differences, we need to develop our own parenting style that works for us. Having said that, there is no 100% perfect parenting style in this world.

I emphasize a lot on LOVE and LIMIT. Love is the most important element in my relationship with my son. I express my love by hugging and kissing him everyday. This will create a sense of protection and security to him. Imagine a newborn can recognize their parents’ love with just a simple touch with their hand! It’s the same concept here. I learn to understand more about him and respond to him with love and praise. My objective is to create a positive emotional growth in him.

On the other hand, setting a limit is very critical to discipline our child. Children need rules and limit. They need continual guidance and guidelines from us. We need to establish a healthy routine and some basic rules for them to follow. Sometimes we may feel that we are too strict or too lenient. It is so difficult to strike a balance. We love our children, but on the other hand, we don't want to spoil them.

Parenting is a life-long journey and commitment. Discover the new life created by us and make a positive impact in their life. Good Parent = Good Children, a simple equation but there is always truth in it.-

Toys for a One Year Old Toddler

Most Singaporean children are blessed with generous parents who are willing to buy toys for them pretty often. I admit that I’m one of them too! Well, nothing can beat the smiling face of Edison whenever he gets a new toy from me.

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Although children do not need a wide array of expensive toys, but I do believe that a good selection of toys can help to stimulate their mental and physical development. So what is the ideal kind of toys for a one-year-old toddler like Edison?

Pushing and riding toys are the most important. Edison has a Fisher Price walker and this toy has always been his #1 favorite. These days, he walks a lot. His new mobile status shows great advancement in his gross motor skills and feeds his curiosity to explore the world around him. Although he can walk steadily now, he still enjoys pushing his walker around the house.

In addition, Edison’s dexterity is also improving. Thus, I need to continue to provide him with sensory and manipulative toys for his amusement. He will learn the cause and effects too. Among Edison’s toys in this category are his Elmo toy cell phone, remote control, Leapfrog Little Touch LeapPad Learning System and Leapfrog Learning Friend Tad. He simply adores these toys with attractive buttons and sounds.

Stacking and sorting toys play a very important role too. They help him to learn the relationships between objects of various sizes and improve his hand and eye coordination. Edison has 2 sets of stacking and sorting toys, but he seems to have lost interest in them. I bought another set yesterday, and this is him, enjoying his new set of stacking toys. I wonder how long this set can last before it is being dumped into my store room.
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So what about plush toys? Edison shows very little interest in them. Maybe because he’s a BOY, and a boy doesn’t play with plush toys. Am I right? Anyway, we have 2 or 3 of them at home, which he rarely touches on them.

When Edison grows older (18 months maybe), I will get him a riding toy; a little car or bicycle with wheels. He can cycle around the garden in the evening. It will be a good form of exercise for him, besides developing his abilities to traverse his environment.

So that’s all about the toy talk today. To parents who STILL think that toys are a waste of time and money, its time for you to shift your paradigm. -

Five Minutes Method of Suggestion

My little boy seems to have some concentration problem during his Shichida class. He simply refuse to sit properly on his chair and pay attention to the teacher. He would crawl up the desk or down to the floor, playing with diaper bags, drinking bottle etc. Even a small piece of paper on the floor would catch his attention. He will crawl down and pick up it up immediately!

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Our teacher, Eunice has recommended the Five Minutes Method of Suggestion to me, hopefully we can improve Edison's attention span in the class. At this point of time, I guess this is the only solution to it.

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What is Five Minute Method of Suggestion?

I first heard about this method during the Parent Education Course (PEC). Besides the Eight Second Hugging, this is another method for parents to convey their love to their children. This method can be used to cure troublesome habits (i.e. thumb-sucking) and undesirable personality traits (i.e. selfishness) in children.

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Why only five minutes?

During the first 5 minutes after a child has fallen asleep, the conscious mind goes to sleep, but the subconscious mind is still awake and functioning. We need to make use of this 5 minutes to work on the subconscious mind.

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How to do it?

During this 5 minutes, we can express our wishes by softly whispering into our children's ears, when they have just fallen asleep. We can also tape our words using a recorder and then set it beside our children's pillow. Play it with volume set softly for about 15 mins after they have gone asleep. Do it every night. I would say, at least, a week or so, until we see the results.

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How effective it is?

A mother (not me!) has cured her children's thumb sucking habit within 7 days! You have to try it yourself to 'see' the effectiveness.

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The way I see it, I'm going to give it a try. I have recorded my speech using my mobile phone last night and will be making its first debut tonight. I hope it really works, and I'll update the results 2 weeks later.

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This is my pre-recorded speech:

"My dear Edison. You are sleeping now. You can hear my voice. Daddy & Mummy love you a lot. Our hearts and your heart are always together.

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Edison is a big boy now. You need to attend your Shichida class every Saturday. You're a genius. Your concentration power is good. You will sit on your chair and focus on what sensei is teaching. You will see flash cards. You will learn counting and ABC. You will sing songs. You will participate in the games that sensei introduces in the class. You will not make any noise. You will not crawl around the class.

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Its a really good feeling. You will enjoy yourself with the activities in the Shichida class. You are a smart boy and you can understand everything that Mummy has just said. Everybody says they love Edison because he is such a good and obedient boy. Daddy and Mummy love Edison a lot too."

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Resources: Parent Education Course (PEC) manual from Shichida Method.

Employing a foreign maid in Singapore

For a full-time working mother like me, employing a foreign maid to manage the household chores and baby-sit is inevitable. Having a good & reliable maid provides us with a true peace of mind.

On average, full-time Filipino maids who can cook, do general household chores and babysit earn about $350-$450 a month. Indonesian and Sri Lankan maids are paid an average $300-$400 a month. The difference is mainly due to the better English capability that a Filipino maid generally possesses. Differences in wages are depends on the maid’s experience – locally or overseas.

Besides their monthly wages, we need to pay the maid levy on a monthly basis to the government. The rates are $170 (concession) and $265 (normal). We are also required to pay for their insurance, which is about $200 for a 2-year contract.

The easiest way to obtain a foreign maid is to go to any of the maid agencies available in Singapore. From there, you can browse the maid’s biodata and handpick the one that fits your requirement. The process generally takes 4-6 weeks, depends on whether the maid has a valid passport in her home country. Agency fee varies from $88 to $688.

In my point of view, a good agency DOES NOT guarantee you a good maid. It’s all about your LUCK in picking a good maid. After which, it depends on how you treat them and discipline them.

If you need detailed information about the process of hiring a foreign maid in Singapore, you can read up this blog. Blogger Tamarind shares her experience with us. I find this blog very very useful when I was looking for a maid 6 months ago.

http://singaporemaid.blogspot.com/

MAID AGENCIES
I went to several maid agencies before I make my selection. Among all the agencies, I have chosen Sun Employment which is located at Bishan. We are satisfied with the service provided by Sun Employment and our maid arrived within 4 weeks after we make our payment.

This blog has reviews on various maid agencies, written by customers who have used them before. It is indeed a good read.

http://singaporemaidagencyreviews.blogspot.com/

TRANSFER MAIDS?
I will NOT take a transfer maid. In my opinion, if the maid is good, their employer will not transfer them. So, I better don’t take the risk. Although it could be due to the employer herself, I would rather hire a new maid rather than guessing why the ex-employer wants to change the transfer maid.

This blog has a list of transfer maids that have been blacklisted. Pls avoid them AT ALL COST!

http://singaporemaidcomments.blogspot.com/

MY INDON MAID
She has been working for me for the past 4+ months. So far, I’m quite satisfied with her work. She keeps my house clean, manage all the household chores independently and take good care of my son.

I can also see that she is happy staying with our family. She gained a whooping 7kg in just 4 months! It’s amazing to learn that she is even ‘heavier’ and ‘chubbier’ than me now. Haha!

This is Edison and his 'Kakak'...

Thanks Niti for being such a good helper! :)

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Number Two???

Something to rejoice about. The enhanced Marriage and Parenthood (M&P) package announced by PM Lee at the National Day Rally on 17 Aug 08.

It happened once again. Singapore Government is generously giving more incentives to encourage couples to have more babies. Seriously, I don't think anyone would get married or have a kid just because of the incentives. But but but, if we are thinking of having another baby, it will make it a lot easier for us with the new incentives.

What attracts me?
1. Extended maternity leave from 12 to 16 weeks for working mothers. No need to work for ~4 months, but still get paid! I was jumping with joy when I heard this.
2. Paid childcare leave has been increased from 2 to 6 days. For parents with child aged below seven years old. Yes, I fit into this category. I can start planning my additional 4 days leave this year.
3. Unpaid infant care leave. This is NEW! Working parents will get six days of unpaid infant care leave per year if one has a child aged below two years old. Don't worry if I have burnt all my annual leave and childcare leave, as I still have 6 days of unpaid leave as back-up.

Besides all these, the Government has also increased the Baby Bonus, Parenthood Tax Rebate and subsidies for centre-based child/infant-care.

For more detailed information pertaining to the enhanced M&P, you can refer to the following link:
http://www.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne+News/Singapore/Story/A1Story20080822-83616.html

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I have always wanted to have a baby GIRL. I dreamt about that little pinkish booties, pink dress with lace and pink hair bands. It will be nice if Edison has a 'mei-mei' (sister) to play with and share his toys.

On the other hand, I'm worried that I may not be able to handle two kids on my own. I may not be able to channel all my time and efforts to Edison. I don't want to add stress to my aging parents-in-law. Well, well, well, what should I do? Strike Toto, become a SAHM & I can take care of my two kids... Ok, start dreaming about it tonight.... :)

To my dearest Edison.. You are always my NUMBER ONE.. You are the most important to me... and whatever I do, its always for you... Life is like a box of chocolates, full of surprises & you will never know what you are going to get. Enjoy all that you have and be a HAPPY BOY always!

18 days to Edison's First Birthday!

Eight-Second Hugging

Have you hugged your child today?

This is one of the important lessons that I've learnt at the Parent Education Course, its called the Eight-Second Hugging!

It is an effective way for parents to communicate their love to their children. In addition, it can cultivate a child's motivation and independence.

How to do it? Don't just give a little hug! Hug and continue to hold the child closely for 8 seconds. Your love will be communicated to the child's heart instantly! Try it, and you will know what I meant. Love is the key to our hearts. :)

Organising a birthday party

Its time to start thinking and planning for our little Edison's FIRST BIRTHDAY... We have roughly 2 months time from now to prepare for the party...

Doing it BIG? Invites family members, friends and their kids. Book the function room. Order a 2-tier cake, party decorations etc. Find a food caterer. Send invitation cards etc. OR having a SMALL party with family members. Book two tables at a restaurant and have a simple celebration.

Well, its time to think about it... Found some useful information from the SMH forum.. Its time to look into them now...

*** PARTY SUPPLIES ***
Jolly Party
#03-09 Great World City
Tel 6733 3797
Daily - 9am - 9pm

Party City @ Raffles City #03-28
Tel : 6336 2161
Daily - 11am - 9 pm

Party City @ Holland V
277A Level 2 Holland Ave
Tel : 6462 6011
Weekday - 11am to 7 pm
Weekend / PH - 10am to 6pm

Party with us @ Centrepoint #05-01
Tel : 6235 0221

Party with us @ Valley Point #01-10
Tel : 6235 0326

Grefio
http://www.grefio.com.sg/

*** HELIUM GAS RENTAL & BALLOON ***
P & G
116 Middle Rd #01-03
Tel: 6396 8208
$1 for 1 balloon
Rental of Helium Tank

Balloons R Us
200 Turf Club Road #01-39A Bukit Timah Singapore 287994
Tel: (65) 6314 2850
http://www.balloonsrus.sg/index.php?cPath=7

*** BIRTHDAY CAKES ***
Strawberry Shortcake Bakery
http://www.e-shop.com.sg/

Glad Cake
http://gladcake.blogspot.com/

Ecreative
http://www.ecreative.com.sg/index.asp

Emi Cakes
http://www.emicakes.com.sg/

7th Manna
http://www.7thmanna.com/

Room for Desserts
http://www.roomfordessert.com.sg/

Hotfuchsia
http://www.hotfuchsia.com/

Sweet Secrets
http://www.sweetsecrets.com.sg/cake.htm

Pine Garden
http://www.pgcakes.com/

Smiling Orchids
http://www.smilingorchid.com.sg/

cherylshuen
http://www.cherylshuen.com/

Cake Avenue
http://www.cakeavenue.com/

The Patissier
http://www.thepatissier.com/

Cedele
http://www.cedeledepot.com/

Vivian Cakes
http://www.freewebs.com/vivcakes/

Meal Plan for Edison

Our Prince Edison is now 5months+ old.. Mummy is planning to start weaning Edison when he is 6 months old.. After a thorough researching, below is the meal plan that Mummy has drafted for Edison... =)

MEAL PLAN FOR EDISON
At 6 months – Getting Started
- Food should only be slightly thicker than milk, start with liquid paste and progresses to semi-solids.
- Milk feed should be given first, followed by food.
7am: 180ml of milk
10am: 3 dsp of infant rice cereal mixed with 120ml of milk
Few tsp of water
1pm: 180ml of milk
3 tsp of unsweetened fruit juice (1.5 tsp juice diluted with 1.5 tsp of water)
4pm: 180ml of milk
7pm: 180ml of milk
10pm: 180ml of milk (if needed)

At 7 – 9 months
- Ready for food with different textures and tastes
- Give food first, followed by milk feed
- Ready for two solid feedings a day and advance to three solid feeds by 9 months of age
- Blended home-cooked rice porridge using white or brown rice
7am: 210ml of milk
10am: ½ bowl of infant rice/wheat/mixed cereals mixed with 120ml of milk
Few tsp of water
1pm: ½ bowl of thin porridge mixed with meat and vegie
4tsp of scraped apple
Few tsp of water
4pm: 210ml of milk
½ teething rusk or ½ baby biscuit (if Edison is teething)
7pm: 210ml of milk
OR
1 mashed potato + 1 dsp mashed carrot + 1 dsp of mashed baked fish
Few tsp of water
10pm: 210ml-240ml of milk (if needed)

From 10 months onwards:
- Food need not be blended anymore.
- Give roughly chopped soft foods & finger foods like teething rusks or biscuits and small chunks of well-cooked vegetables or soft fresh fruits i.e. banana, ripe pears, melons and peaches.
7am: 210ml-240ml of milk
10am: 1 slice of bread
120ml of milk (in a cup)
Few sips of water
1pm: ½ -1 bowl of thick porridge mixed with meat and veggie / beancurd
2 dsp of watermelon, cut into small pieces
Few sips of water
4pm: 210ml-240ml of milk
1 teething rusk or 1 baby biscuit
Few sips of water
7pm: ½ -1 bowl of thick porridge mixed with meat and veggie / beancurd
2 dsp of banana
Few sips of water
10pm: 210ml-240ml of milk (if needed)

By 1 year:
- Baby’s food can be adapted from the family meals, no need to cook separately for him

Allergenic foods
- Avoid until 9 months:
Citrus fruits i.e. orange juice, grapefruit juice, lemonade
Strawberries, raspberries, pineapple
Tomato or tomato sauce
Milk products such as cheese, yogurt, ice-cream
Whole eggs or egg whites
Chocolate
Nuts such as peanut butter
Wheat
Fish, esp shellfish

Wow! Very comprehensive... Feel so satisfied with this job... :) Good enuf to kick start a new food journey for our Prince Edison :)